F'in Job Search

Goddamn, I hate looking for a job. I've been kinda casual about this, as I'm not in any type of financial crisis but fuck... it's just the same shit everyday, sit on your ass and wait for a phone call / email. It's starting to get on my nerves, especially this evening.

My dad sounded like he's starting to get worried, as he tried to get me a job from his work. He sent me this position which I was seriously not qualified for. I tried to tell him that but I know, he's trying to help me out, so he called the guy at work anyway. Of course, that hiring guy requires that experience but hey, it's my dad and he's just trying to help me out. It's hard to talk to him about these kinds of situations since I don't consider my dad having ever been in this situation before. His career path was pretty strait forward, as he only changed jobs once in his prior 20 year career. I know he had some searching to do when he retired from his original career but he had something lined up before he got out.

I got some info by signing up regarding one of the branches. The recruiter actually called me the other day but he missed me. I haven't called him back yet, should do that tomorrow. Becoming an officer is a pretty hard process but I guess they have to guarantee the quality of their officer corps (Ha!). Gotta take the entrance examination, and put together whatever bs portfolio and tons of paperwork. I'm sure there's some kind of council review, and I guess I'm most worried about that.

I dunno what kind of questions they would ask me, specifically to see the type of dedication they want for entry. My goals are pretty simple, they are for me and the history of my family, and outside of that I have zero passion for the majority of the populace and defending their "freedom." Obviously, I wouldn't come out and say something like that but I am incapable of faking enthusiasm and I sincerely doubt that they'd be okay with that. Their goal is to weed out the people who lack the true motivation to get through officer candidate school. I don't think my dad is giving this specific training enough credit, or maybe he's just counting on my "asshole" personality to keep me from quitting.

I got thrown a curve ball today at lunch; I met up with one of my ex managers. He suggested that I go back to school and get an MBA. I was gonna need an MBA at my previous job, eventually, for what I wanted to do. Of course it sounds great, move out to the west coast, sell one of my cars, meet some girls and get my degree. Yea, nevermind the GMAT, the application, and the loans I'll need to pull that shit off. I'm not sure how I feel about that anymore, as the potential opportunity to get into strategy is gonna die with my ex employer.

Missing my ex is not helping either! I haven't talked to her in I dunno, about a month now? I deleted her phone number but I still have her email. I'm still debating if I should sent her an e-card for her birthday or not. So much for being strong and cutting her off right?

This is just too much bullshit to think about right now as I don't even know what I want to do...

Going back to my worried dad, I think he is quite a bit worried as he has actually encouraged me to speak more with the military recruiters. I'm kinda suprised by this as he is recommending it with no reservations. I guess he thinks I just want a desk job; I don't know why he thinks this, it's almost as he forgot how big of an asshole I am.

I still miss my old industry, but it is dying a slow death. I guess technically this time is for the ashes to settle, and for something new to rise. I don't know where I fit into all of this as I don't have enough experience to get snapped up off the bat. This is also my opportunity to get the F out and find something new.

I guess the part that is killing me the most is that I've send out several resumes and cover letters, covering various industries, and I have had zero fish bite. I have also not received any denials. This whole week has been a waste; all I did was eat, watch HBO and porn. I hate being in limbo like this!

Oh well, at least I've been cooking at home lately... I haven't done this in a while. I tried a new recipe today, attempting to make tandoori chicken. I didn't have all the spices (in ground form specifically, as I have the whole ones but no grinder/mortar n pestle), but I think the main flavor killer I missed was the lemon juice. Two of the big ingredients are yogurt and lemon juice; I'm guessing the interaction between the two gives the flavor. I tried using some fruit juice but nothing happened when I poured it in.

Then again, this was a grilled recipe and I just cooked in in the frying pan. I don't know if it would have tasted better if I had grilled it, but I kinda doubt it. Definately tasted like something was missing but hey... combined with some thai whatever style green beans and basmati rice, it was still pretty tasty. I also have two small lunches I can eat.